Thanks to Judy Lewis for sharing her insights on parenting with Love and Logic. Judy introduced several strategies for helping our children develop the ability to make decisions and deal with consequences for those decisions.
Key Points to Remember:
* Allow your children to make
small mistakes when the price is small. (e.g. buy a cheap toy that will likely break v. when they are older and go to buy a car)
* Allow your children to
make decisions for things that affect them. (e.g. wear a coat or carry it, whether or not they will eat) If it affects others, parents decide.
* Set clear expectations with
logical, natural consequences specific to the behavior you want to change. (e.g. pour oatmeal on the dog, take the oatmeal away)
*
Empathetic responses help the child to open his/her eyes, wondering, "What did I do?" rather than focusing on the parent's behavior, wondering, "What are you going to do?" When children are older, they will think "If I do x, it will affect me by..." rather than, "If my parents saw me, they'd be so mad."
* Anger and frustration fuels misbehavior.
* Repeated behaviors provide the child with something. Figure out how it is working for them and how to change it.
5 Steps to Dealing with Behaviors You Want to Change:
1)
Uh-oh song. Jim Fay sings, "Uh-oh, looks like a little bedroom time is coming up here, so sad." Use this song for behaviors we don't like or haven't seen before. Singing allows us to remain calm.
2)
Tell the child what they will do. As you lead them by the hand to the bedroom, "Here you are. Have a little fit. We'll see you when you're sweet."
3)
Offer Choices. "Would you like the door opened or closed?"
4)
Egg Timer. Once everything sounds calm, say, "I'll set the egg timer now and you can come out as soon as it goes off." This provides time to think and wish he/she is with the family.
5)
Hug and let go. Life goes on. Don't explain it. Don't tell her why she's in there. Don't tell the other parent about it later.
See more tips, resources, podcasts and downloads on the Love and Logic website: www.loveandlogic.com and sign-up for their weekly reminders.
Click on the link to the right to hear Judy's presentation.
