Well, to end our MOPS year with some light and uncomplicated material, we got to hear from the beloved
Dr. Tina Sellers about "Who's Got Time for Pleasure When You're Pooped and Knee-Deep in Poo?" She's considered somewhat of an intimacy guru and in this phase of life, we could use all the help we can get,
amiright?
And because she's Tina Sellers, there aint no way I can do her talk justice, you ya'll had just better take a listen. You'll find some simple notes below.
Click HERE
for the recording of Tina's talk.
Find her other MOPS talks HERE and HERE.
Search for "Tina Sellers" on the player page to find even more content!
Enjoy!
Right now, in this season of life, we're balancing it all. Our arms are full, our bodies are spent, and we're being pulled in every direction. It's just true--even when we attempt to slow down, motherhood just keeps going. So, it begs the question: how in the world do we try to capture ourselves when we're doing all of this? How do we not lose ourselves?
We are at serious risk of burnout, friends. The world is telling us that the most important things in life are our work and our parenting, when in reality the most crucial things to pay attention to are ourselves and our marriages. People think the only time you give to you or your relationship is when you're in crisis. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE IN CRISIS.
We are burning out.
We are exhausted, physically and emotionally. We struggle from fatigue or insomnia. Our immune systems are shot and we suffer from anxiety and/or depression.
We are cynical and detached. We have lost any sense of enjoyment, have turned into pessimists, isolate ourselves and detach (i.e. "we are over here, life is over there.").
We see signs of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment. We feel apathetic and hopeless, are increasingly irritable, and feel a true lack of productivity and a real sense of poor performance.
Damn.
If you identify with any of that, hear this: The success of everything else in your life rests on the health of YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
So what do we do? Well "The Five T's of Pleasure," of course.
TIME
- Margin of Renewal: Between emotional resources, financial resources, physical resources, and time, where is my margin of renewal? Because I need one. If I don't have one, I have to push back on the box to make one. No "alone time" breeds alienation, resentment, and distance.
- Read the signs of chronic stress in your body. Here's what gets affected (to name a few):
- Metabolism
- Immunity
- Circulation
- Kidney function
- Brain function
- We have to be making space for healthy bodies and healthy physical relationships with our partners. We can only "take out" what we already have. If we're running on empty, we cannot give to the places that matter most.
- Think of the Top Three Things that you do for restoration and relaxation.
- Figure out things that take 5-15 minutes to an hour and do those weekly. Do something once a month that takes all day. Do it.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your
knees
for a hundred miles through the
desert repenting
You only have to let the soft animal of
your body
love what it loves.
from Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
THINKING & TALKING
- We make our lives out of what we think. We will go wherever our thoughts go. If we wake up with dread and assume the worst about the day, it is likely to unfold that way.
- The same is true about our sexuality. If we're thinking of fun things rather than the opposite, we'd probably be surprised.
- Sexuality is located in the same part of the brain as creativity and play.
- We need to ask ourselves: Do I connect with that (sexual) part of me at all?
- We need to talk with our partners about what we like and don't like. Believe it or not, they care and want us to be happy.
- "This will make me happy." Invite them into your pleasure, then who knows.
TOUCH & TRYSTS
- There are times to go another round, and there are times to quit beating that horse and to "let it go." Stop talking. Save it, sit down later. But right now, hold each other. Through touch, neoro-biology corrects.
- Touch given out of love for the purpose of healing is powerful. Sending the message of "I just want to hold you and love you" will do millions more for your relationship than fighting to the death.
- Women are sexually satisfied by erotic loving touch. But in marriage, it withers.
- Make it fun.
- "I don't want to do that, I want to do this."
- Make a deal: "It can be your way ____ often, then my way ____ often."
- Explore, experiment.
- Don't take anything too seriously.
- Don't get weird about it. Be silly. If we get upset about it, it's gonna be hard.
