Jane Schmidt:: Kids & Technology

Last Tuesday we heard from local parenting coach, Jane Schmidt, who helped us understand how to navigate our kids through this media-driven world. Armed with tons of research and loads of grace, she encouraged dialogue about our feelings on technology, its presence in our home, and the changes we may want to make. I think most of us left asking ourselves, "Moving forward, what do we need to do in order to achieve our desired goals for our children and family?"

Posted below is the handout Jane provided from our meeting and some notes on her talk. Let the conversations commence!

 

//Communicating what's important: making a connection with your child vs. looking at a screen.

//"Why do our children want our phones so badly?": ...because we have them. If they're important to us, then they will be important to our kids. From an early age, our kids are watching us like hawks and are ready to imitate us, and that includes our time/fascination/preoccupation with technology. We probably need to evaluate our own behaviors with screens and start making boundaries for ourselves in order to model the boundaries we want for them. 

//Sending one message: It makes a big difference to be on the same page with our partners. Then our kids aren't getting a mixed message and the expectations/boundaries are the same.

//No guilt, just evaluation and priorities: It's about what they're watching, how often, and who they're watching it with. Watching the Seahawks game with your child every once in awhile is different than frequently sitting them in front of other shows alone and expecting the television to babysit. 

//Proper nourishment: Most parents are pretty concerned with what they're kids are eating. From the moment they're born, we're consumed with what and how much they're eating and nourishing their bodies with healthy foods. The same goes for their brains and being mindful of proper nourishment for their noggins. Which, like with food, can mean a "treat" every once in awhile.

Decide what's right for your family. /// Figure out what's best for you and your child.

For Reflection:

• What are you doing now that encourages them towards your goals for them in the future (i.e. relationships, connection)?  
• What's the one thing you're going to change?  

Jane Schmidt
Parent Coaching NW, LLC
www.parentcoachingnw.com
jane@parentcoachingnw.com
206-930-6787

Marilyn Vancil::Being Your Best Self

On January 6th, we had the pleasure of hearing from Marilyn Vancil. In this New Year, she forced us to slow down, close our eyes, and explore what it means to be in touch with our hearts and true desires. Through reflection, her exercises, and the table discussion, I daresay some of us discovered qualities we didn't know we had, or ones we thought were long-gone that we want to reclaim in 2015.

Exercise:
Take time to close your eyes, tune in to yourself, and reflect. What are some desires you have for 2015? Not the circumstantial goals (i.e. lose weight, get a bigger house, etc.), but the desires of your heart. Think of "alive words" such as: courage, contentment, peace, renewal (i.e. something you can experience in your everyday life).

Complete this sentence: "I desire to experience a little more__________."

Hold onto and keep in touch with your desires this season. It's all-too-easy to lose them and get lost at sea. Then we can't answer this question: "What's my true identity outside of/besides being a wife & mother?

There will come a time of quiet, of empty-nesting and reconnecting with yourself in a new way. And we won't want to be far from who we are and who we want to be.

The demands of life threaten to take over who we are at the heart. SO how do we recapture our true selves? 

• Connect with something
• Something grand. Majestic. Life-giving.
• Live into it in 2015! 

Things to think about:

• What are the qualities that show up when you're at your best?
• What to other people say about you at your best?
• What qualities are attractive in others (this can help say a lot about you)?
• What name could you give this woman who is your "best self," that best captures the essence of who she is?
• What is one thing you could do to allow her to be present in your life?
• How much is she showing up in your life already, on a scale of 1-10?
• How would this affect your role as a mother?

Barb Barnes:: Thriving on Conflict

Okay, ladies--apologies for such a looong hiatus for the ol' blog and getting this talk posted so late! We are now back to regularly scheduled programming and excited to feature Barb's talk!

On December 2nd, we heard from our very own Barbara Barnes about Thriving on Conflict. Below is a summary for those who missed it!

Types of conflict: 

• Internal--doing something that is not in alignment with your own values
• External--overt (open between parties) and covert (underlying)
• And sometimes having an internal conflict can cause us to create external conflicts!

:::Conflict is an opportunity to develop creative solutions and satisfying relationships.:::

People respond to conflict with 5 different styles: 

• Competitor--needs to win, compares self to others, escalates conflict to a contest
• Avoider--denies conflict exists, flees confrontations, avoids decisions
• Compromiser--seeks solutions that partially satisfy both parties, often all parties are dissatisfied
• Accommodator--agreeable and seeks approval, never takes a stand, generous to a fault
• Collaborator--not threatened by conflict, listens and clarifies, applies standards of fairness, looks for realistic, practical solutions
• We might be more than one of these depending on the scenario! 

Constructive Behaviors:

• Refuse to be defensive or hostile
• Respect the interests of others
• Explore differences in fact, underlying issues, and assumptions
• Remain flexible and open to any reasonable solution
• Don't measure your worth by the outcome

Employ good listening skills to help diffuse negative emotions. Avoid assumptions, interrupting, and don't forget to consider body language. Remain calm!  

Constructive Response:

• Acknowledge personal tension and be willing to engage
• Identify the underlying issue
• Express thoughts and feelings with an open mind
• Listen with empathy & without interrupting or judgement
• Consider the other perspective & seek joint resolution

 Seek Joint Solutions:

• Be open--let go of your own agenda
• Think outside the box
• Support the other person's ideas
• Remain positive
• Enjoy the process

Remember: Foundations to managing conflict are using good listening skills and making sure you are understood. Ultimately, conflict can be a good thing and provide opportunities for growth. Don't be afraid to engage in a healthy process. You never know where it might lead you (in a good way!). 

Discussion questions:

1. What is your default conflict management style?
2. What are some examples of internal conflict?  How does that internal conflict impact your interactions with others?
3. Who will you focus on listening to and what positive results do you anticipate?

Homework:

• Daily--practice good listening with family, friends and at work.
• Develop an awareness of internal and external conflict.  Look on conflict as an opportunity!
• Express how the other person's behavior makes you feel.
• Build a collaborative response to conflict.
• Celebrate when you have built an understanding!

Barbara Barnes

Renovations-Coaching.com