Krista Law, LMHC, returned this year to discuss maintaining balance
in our busy lives. We had the pleasure of hearing from Krista, who is a Christian
counselor for both individuals and couples, twice last year, on the topics of
anxiety and depression and identifying your family’s values (see blog entry for
May 13, 2014). You can learn more about
Krista a www.kristalaw.com and
www.3therapistswalkintoablog.com.
Krista shared an example of imbalance from her own
experience: After giving birth to her first child, she found herself completely
isolated during the day and caring only for her child, with no self care. (Her
daughter is now 12, so when Krista was home with her as a newborn, she didn’t
even have texting as a way of easily touching base with friends.) Phone calls
were of course difficult with a newborn. Krista found herself counting the
minutes until her husband came home, when she would “hand off” her daughter and
go watch TV alone as her self care. She found she was either neglecting her own
needs or her daughter’s depending on the time of day.
Krista used the narrative of Genesis 1-3 as the foundation
for her description of balance. This text provides us with permission (from
God!) to value balance in our everyday lives. Her framework for introducing
balance into your everyday life included three C’s:
Creativity: How are you incorporating
creativity into your life? The beginning of the Bible describes a creative act.
Creativity allows us to express ourselves, remind us of our unique identity and
talents, and follow a natural need to generate something that was not there
before. There are as many ways to be creative as there are moms. Maybe you like
to cook, maybe you journal, or scrapbook, or garden, or decorate, or enjoy
dressing your kids in stylish outfits. Whatever you find energizing and an
expression of you, you have permission and encouragement from God to make this
a part of your day.
Collaboration: How are you connecting
with others who can give you encouragement, energy, wisdom, or a listening
ear? God made Eve as a helper, or
collaborator, for Adam, so collaborating is built into the initial design of
human relationship. You are already collaborating by participating in MOPS. Be
mindful of how else you are connecting with others in ways that support you,
and don’t just require energy with no return. Also keep in mind that your
connection with others, be it asking a question, listening, or texting the
latest hilarious (or frustrating) thing your toddler did is a way of providing
them with balance as well. Your seeking collaboration may give the other person
a chance to be creative or contribute.
Contribution: In what ways are you
contributing your unique talents to your family and your greater community? Eve means “life” or “life-giving,” or “mother
of all who have life.” Everyone has a need to contribute in some way. You may
volunteer, participate in your child’s school, or work outside the home. Again,
there are countless ways to contribute.
Along the lines of contribution, Krista also pointed out
that the energy we have, be it frustrated or angry or happy or grateful,
effects people around us in a five foot radius. So, if you are out of balance,
your energy will be effecting those closest to you even if you are trying to
hold it all together. Gratitude is the most balancing emotion, and she gave a
demonstration of how purposefully thinking about gratitude literally makes you
steadier on your feet. She encouraged us to build a practice of gratitude into
our days. There are many ways to do this, from writing down one or more things
you are grateful for at the beginning or end of the day, to sharing around the
dinner table one thing you are grateful for, to including thanks in your
prayer, etc.
Krista also encouraged us to think of those activities that
make us feel more balanced as priorities. Activities that are “just for us” so
easily slip to the end of the to-do list. She gave us an illustration
describing a large jar, large stones, and pebbles. If you put all the pebbles
(all the many small urgent tasks you
feel you have to do throughout the day) in the jar before the large stones (important tasks -self-care, creativity, collaboration,
contribution) the large stones won’t fit in the jar. If you put the large
stones in first, then add the pebbles, the pebbles will settle into the jar
around the stones, and they all will fit.
Later in the day MOPS mom Laura Jackson shared her creative
expression for the day, a lovely representation of this urgent vs. important
task message Krista shared:
Resources:
Waking the Dead by John Eldredge
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting
by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn
Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy,
Beautiful Life by Glennon Doyle Melton
www.momastery.com
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