Laurie Brenner::Cultivating Wonder in Advent

Here's the story...
Laurie's talk was really great. As usual, she took something we think we've heard every angle on (Advent), placed her unique spin on it, and gifted us a new lens through which to see this season. 
But there is no recording, so you're stuck with the notes I took between stuffing my face with breakfast and nursing a baby. You're welcome.

We all feel like we're at our max. As wives and mothers, daughters and friends. We want nothing more than to truly appreciate this season of Advent, but who has the time? Laurie showed us that we do, in fact, have the capacity to wonder. To illustrate this, I don't think she'd mind me sharing a particularly endearing quote from her nephew, who took his time during a hurried situation to closely examine a hair rubber band he found on the street: "I always look at the ground when I walk...you never know what you're gonna find." Such wonder! In big and small ways, she expected us to pause and think about "what's the wonder you long for?"

The way that it comes may not look like what you expect.
Look at Joseph. A largely unexamined character in the Christmas story, Joseph was an innocent bystander to wonder. He wasn't remarkable. He was a working class, itinerant carpenter. He had no connections, no position or reach or platform. Just a regular guy who had the capacity to listen, to take the next step, and stay in the game when things got rough. And through that listening, step-by-step, his capacity grew to be a part of the greatest story we know. God entrusted this world-altering story with an everyday person and extended Joseph's capacity to stay in the story.

What could that mean for us? We may feel our own story is small, inconsequential even, but we can't know how God is using us average moms for something bigger.

Think About It...

• Where are you feeling your lack of capacity?
• What is one small area you can receive God's encouragement to increase that capacity? 

Advent Readings
Laurie commits to reading an Advent Scripture every day during this season. Here's how she breaks it down (it's not too late! start now!):

Watch (Nov. 29-Dec. 3)

Mark 13:33-37

Habakkuk 2:1-4/ 1 Thess. 5:1-10

Matthew 25:1-13

Matthew 25:14-30

Matthew 25:31-46

Isaiah 57:14-21

Comfort (Dec. 4-10)

Psalm 23 / John 10:11-16

Isaiah 40:1-11 / Luke 1:26-35

Is. 51:3-12 / Luke 1:46-56

Is. 52:6-10 / Matt. 5:2-12

Is. 61:1-11 / Luke 4:16-21

Jeremiah 31:10-17 / Mark 6:34

Isaiah 11:1-10 / 2 Thess. 2:13-17

Light (Dec. 11-17)

Isaiah 60:1-5 / Luke 2:21-35

Is. 60:18-22 / Revelation 22:1-7

Is. 9:1-7 / Matthew 4:13-17

Is. 42:1-9 / Matthew 11:1-11

Is. 53:1-12 / Luke 1:68-80

Daniel 2:20-22 / John 3:16-21

Micah 7:7-9 / John 1:1-9

Joy (Dec. 18-24)

Isaiah 12:1-6 / Phil. 4:4-9

Is. 49:8-16 / 1 Thess. 5:16-24

Is. 55:6-13 / Revelation 19:1-9

Is. 65:17-25 / Luke 1:1-17

Joel 2:21-32 / Luke 2:8-18

Zechariah 8:18-23 / Matthew 2:1-12

Isaiah 7:14 / Luke 2:1-8

 

Kristie Christie::Eliminating Entitlement//Raising Empathetic Kids Who Care

Yes, you read that right. She took her husband's last name. Because she's awesome.

But more than that, Kristie is an amazing speaker who encouraged us to foster empathy in our kids. Having spent years in youth ministry, she now takes the stage to talk about "cultivating empathy in the next generation" and raising kids who care in an age when the world communicates it's all about ME. Sponsoring a child through Compassion International is a specific way to do this (you can read more about how to do that here), but be sure to take a listen to her talk to hear more.

Click HERE for the recording of Kristie's talk.

Enjoy!

Kristie's Recommended Further Reading...

• The Whole Brained Child by Dr. Dan Siegel 
• Nurturing the Leader Within Your Child by Dr. Tim Elmore
• Right Click by Brad Griffin
• Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman 
• Brain Rules by John Medina 

 www.Kristie Christie.com

 

Kimberly Crispeno:: Living an Intentional Life

We recently had the opportunity to hear from Kimberly Crispeno about living intentionally in this season of motherhood. Even though most days we're only able to be about as intentional as making sure there's a vegetable on the dinner table, Kimberly gave us tools to focus on intentional living. We received The Prayer of Examen, which helps us "discern what God is saying in and through circumstances, encounters, and minutia of our days."

To practice the prayer, choose the best time of day, be still and quiet, and invite the Holy Spirit to be present as you reflect on the last 24 hours. When you feel quiet and settled, ask yourself two questions.

Examples:
  What was most life-giving/energizing for me in the last 24 hours? What was most draining?
  What left me feeling full and alive? What left me feeling empty or deadened?
  For what moment in the last day am I most thankful? For what moment am I least thankful?
  When did I give and receive the most? When did I give and receive the least?
  What led me closer to God? What pulled me away from God?
  What was nourishing? What was not?

As you identify your answers, shape them into a prayer. Thank God for the gifts and ask for help where you struggled. This prayer is a tool that can help increase our ability to discern how God is speaking in our lives and understand more clearly what connects/disconnects us from God, others, and ourselves.


For Further Thought...

1. What gets int he way of you living your life intentionally?
2. What helps you live intentionally?
3. What might be the fruit that would come in your life and your home from living more purposefully?
4. What recently has made you feel alive? What is something you can identify that has sucked the life out of you?
5. What is God's invitation to you from today's session?

Click HERE for the recording of Kimberly's talk.

Enjoy!

Marisa Gronholz:: Living Out Wonder, Hope, & Kindness in Our Relationships

A few weeks ago, we heard from UPC's own Marisa Gronholz and enjoyed her words on "From Starry-Eyed Friends to Shining Star Friendship: Living Out Wonder, Hope, and Kindness in Our Relationships." I think I can speak for us all when I say that Marisa helped us take a closer look at our friendships, from how we define our friendships to possible relationships that need a bit of tending. 

Take some time with her talk if you can and consider the questions below.

Click HERE for the recording of Marisa's talk. 

Enjoy!

For Further Thought...

1. What does "friend" mean to you? What did you learn about friendship from your mother or other mentors and models in your life? Are you living into that model or rebelling from it?
2. Is there a friendship or relationship in your life right now where you feel hopeless? Where you've been hurt? Where there is contempt for that person?
3. Where is unkindness showing up in your life? Are you kind and safe to yourself? For other people? Is there a friendship right now that could use some kindness--that safe, womb-life space? What might it look like for your to be kind to this person?  

Contact Marisa for further discussion/coaching/listening! 

Sarah Callender:: I wonder

Okay, ladies--we have a lot to catch up on.
Follow me back to one of our first meetings and a delightful talk from UPC's own, Sarah Callender. She is a wife, mother, writer and all-around fabulous human who gave great life to our MOPS theme this year, We Are the Starry-Eyed.  Take the time to visit her words on what it means to wonder and stand in awe in this life that feels tedious and lackluster at times. Motherhood can easily swallow our wonder whole, so let's agree to take Sarah's challenge and stop, listen, look, and wonder.
You won't regret it.

 

Click HERE for the recording of Sarah's talk.* 

Enjoy!

 

*There aren't many notes on this talk because they wouldn't do it justice. So if you're stuck unable to listen, find another time to tune in! You're welcome. 

Welcome back!

Greetings, MOPS Mamas!

Here we are, starting our 2016-2017 season of Tuesday togetherness and hot breakfast. Can I get a "hallelujah?"

Please, sit back and take a moment to familiarize yourself with this blog and click around the pages. You'll find everything you need to know about bringing breakfast, volunteering in MOPPETS, and your faithful steering team! You may want to bookmark this space for future reference as a reminder of meeting dates and other useful details.

You can also check back after our meetings to find speaker recaps and notes, resources and discussion questions. Missing a MOPS morning is never fun and we try to make it as painless as possible by also uploading the audio from Tuesday talks for you to enjoy as if you were there. If you "follow by email" (look to the left!), new posts will be sent directly to your inbox as they happen. 

We're so glad to be in community with you this year and look forward to being the starry-eyed together!

Play Dates and Registration for 2016-17

Hello, Mamas...

It's August and let's face it--we're running out of ideas for new summer adventures and yearning for some childcare. Well, you've come to the right place. See below for our remaining summer play dates (including a spray park--adventure!) and registration link for our upcoming MOPS season (childcare!).  We hope to see you there!

Summer Play Dates

 

AUGUST:: Northacres Park & Spray Park

12718 1st Ave N

August 16

August 30

SEPTEMBER:: Maple Leaf Park

1020 NE 82nd St

September 6
September 20

 

MOPS Registration

Note: The nursery and 1-year-old rooms are currently full. Moms with other means of childcare are still encouraged to register! Otherwise, you will be placed on our waitlist.

 

{::REGISTER HERE FOR 2016-17::}

Emily Huff:: Celebrate Lavishly

I don't think there was anyone better to end our year together than Emily Huff (celebrate-today.com). She is someone who embodies joy and lives to recognize moments to celebrate in her every day life. If you missed it, I encourage you to listen to the audio--she's a delight and offers great tips on how to celebrate in big and small ways that you don't want to miss. Thanks, Emily!

Click HERE for the recording of Emily's talk. And for those of you joining us from work and can't listen, a summary is included below. Enjoy!

For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; 

the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing,

and all the trees of the fields should clap their hands.

--Isaiah 55:12

***

"The person who stands at the table of Communion is a celebrant."--dictionary definition
"A celebrant is one who celebrates the extravagant grace of Christ."--Ann Voskamp's definition

***

3-6 How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What a pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1 (The Message)

***

"Celebration when you're calling the shots? Easy. Celebration when your plan is working? Anyone can do that. But when you realize that the story of your life could be told a thousand different ways, that you could tell it over and over as a tragedy, but you choose to call it an epic, that's when you start to learn what celebration is. When what you see in front of you is so far outside of what you dreamed, but you have the belief, the boldness, the courage to call it beautiful instead of calling it wrong, that's celebration."-- Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

***

Emily had us reflect on favorite holiday memories (the big ones, like Thanksgiving and Christmas) and remember how those made us feel. Then, on a smaller scale, she had us explore other moments in a normal week--a Tuesday in September or a rainy Saturday in February--and share "the moments of wonder in one of those ordinary days where celebration and grace caught you by surprise."

From there, we applied those warm, fuzzy feelings to our kids and parenting. We got to thinking about how to share celebration, those warm and fuzzy feelings, with our kids and live gratefully as a family. Think of those times every day that you are together, that you have the opportunity to mark blessing and celebration in your life.

Daily Rhythms:

• Mealtimes: prayers before dinner
• Bedtimes: share with them or write down blessings/affirmation for our children
• Send off to school: May the peace of Christ go with you Wherever He may send you. May He guide you through the wilderness, Protect you through the storm. May He bring you home rejoicing At the wonders He has shown you. May He bring you home rejoicing Once again into our doors.
• Roses + Thorns at the dinner table: share "high's" and "low's" of your day with each other. This practice focuses on the good, the present, and allows space for the hard, too. And our kids learn to talk to us about the good AND the bad.
• Monthly dates on "birthday": Make a bid deal our of the little things. One idea is to recognize the day of the month, each month, that your kids were born. Take them out or do something special at home. 

Your own celebrations...

• Think about what it can be on a grand scale but perhaps more importantly think about how to celebrate in your ordinary rhythms.
• May you take God’s invitation to celebrate – not just focusing on the big things but fiercely looking to find the joy in the little things and finding ways to celebrate everyday!

Celebrate today--a work in progress

• Pick a few things that could be a good fit for you
• Find joy in making it your own
• See if it stands the test of time and can become a new tradition
• Remember that it's never too late to start something new and join in the fun!

Something to Think About:

• In what ways have you found "celebrating lavishly" challenging? In what ways have you found it easy?
• Which theme did you find the most challenging or enjoy the most (Embrace Rest, Notice Goodness, Celebrate Lavishly) and why?
• What is your greatest hope for this summer as a mom?
• What is your greatest hope for this summer as wife?
• What is your greatest hope for this summer for you (apart from your role as mom and wife)?

Scott + Heather Sund:: Relationship Resilience

At our last meeting, Scott and Heather Sund, MS, LMFT, shared plenty of wisdom on marriage and reconciliation. With many years of marriage under their belts, they were able to offer both humor and practical advice for dealing with "the hard stuff we all face." Thanks, Sunds!

Click HERE for the recording of Scott and Heather's talk from Selah. And for those of you joining us from work and can't listen, a summary is included below. Enjoy!

 A lot of our discord comes from past hurts.

How many times have we begun an argument and known, in our gut, that it was really about something else? Socks on the floor or the toilet seat up doesn't really make for WWIII material, yet it can incite a messy conflict. Scott and Heather spoke about how to deal with that in a healthy way.

1. Call to Forgive

• Isaiah 1:18
• Matthew 6:14-15

2. Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

• Forgiveness is a choice within us. But reconciliation is a step beyond that and brings us back into relationship.
• This takes hashing it out/talking about it. For instance: "It's not just to dig in or traumatize us all over again, but can you help me make sense of this thing that happened?" Be gentle. Teach your partner what you're hoping them to do. 
• Rebuilding from where things fell apart will make it stronger.

3. Importance of Repair

• We all make mistakes
• How we "repair" is what's important, no matter the fight
• We will hurt those we love
• It's how we handle it that matters

4. Why We Fight

• Engaging and fighting is a primal response to disappointment/disagreement in order to connect and reconcile. It's a surface indication of a bigger, deeper hurt.
• Why can't we just say "I'm sorry?" It doesn't get to the heart. There is no "script" to true reconciliation. You can say the right words, but we need to share our pain and see that our pain hurts them, too. We need our partner to "get it."

5. How we forgive: Reconciliation for Lifelong Connection

•  "Reconciliation is the potential outcome of an emotional partner's pain and communicates that the hurt partner's pain (which they contributed to) hurts them, too."--Dr. Sue Johnson
• The most dangerous form of betrayal is the Betrayal of Disengagement. Stay engaged. Our partner is a witness to our pain. We need that.

Step-by-step process for reconciliation

Step 1.) The hurt person shares about his/her pain without blame or accusation.

• Invite your partner to share first. "Is there a time you were hurt?"
• Start the sharing with primary emotions, including specific feelings of hurt, worries, or sadness.
• Use tender feelings, not attacking feelings
• Criticism/anger puts our partner on the defensive

Step 2.) The other person must show the hurt person that they care about the pain being revealed.

• The partner has to hear it. Stay emotionally present. Listen and avoid jumping into an apology until you can respond with "me, too. I get it." Resist making excuses or being defensive.  

Step 3.) The hurt person shares more about the core of the hurt by being vulnerable instead of blaming.

Step 4.) The person who has contributed to the hurt needs to accept responsibility for their actions and make sure the person who is hurt feels your empathy, regret, or remorse.

• You might still see the solution differently, but this is an opportunity for the other partner to say "I get it, too. You were ______ (hurt, sad, etc)."

Step 5.) The hurt person needs to be listened to and identify what they needed THEN (thus causing the anger) and what they need NOW.

• This is the "get over it" stage. This is the anecdote so we don't go here again.
• This becomes the healing moment, when the person who is hurt opens their heart to the other.

Step 6.) Other person responds in a caring manner, in "ARE" manner:

• Available
• Responsive
• Emotionally Engaged
• "Are you there for me?" "I am."

Think About It

1. How did your family do apologies? Well or difficult?
2. How do you do it now?
3. How can you bring this material to your partner?
4. How can you show some empathy to your partner to invite him into this?

Suggested Resources

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

Love Sense by Sue Johnson

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Heather Sund Counseling Facebook page, which has regular couple and family resources

Seminars:

Hold Me Tight 
Bringing Baby Home

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work 

Terry McNichols:: Tips + Tricks For a Better Marriage

We had the pleasure of hearing from our very own mentor mom, Terry McNichols, MS, LMHC, at our last meeting. With many years of marriage and experience as a counselor under her belt, she helped expose areas where our marriages struggle and introduced realistic suggestions to start making change. Thanks, Terry!

There is no audio for Terry's talk. Please peruse the notes below to get a taste of what was discussed.

We all entered into marriage with expectations such as:

• "I'd like him all the time"
• "It'd be like when we were dating, but better"
• My partner will change
• It'll make me happy
• We'll have deep conversations whenever we need to: money, sex, kids, chores
• We shouldn't have conflict

AND THEN ALONG COMES BABY.
What changes?

• "more to disagree about"
• "relating to our parents and in-laws in a new way"
• finances
• no affection left for each other/less sex
• depression/anxiety
• more work to do
• a whole new role/different person (add "mother"/"parent" to "wife," "sister," "friend," etc.)

Citing John Gottman as a primary reference, Terry shared the results of his studies and recommendations for how to succeed in marriage.

When Gottman studied couple after couple in his "love lab," the results were this: 67% of couples had "relationship dissatisfaction" after baby came (affectionately referred to as the "disasters"). But he focused on the 33% that didn't (the "masters"). 

What's were the 33% doing differently?

1. "Masters" built their friendship and
2. learned how to handle conflict

How to build your friendship:

• "Love Map" your spouse. Cards are available online to purchase that guide you with questions you answer about your spouse that you have to answer. You get into each other's heads and learn about one another. OR there are also open-ended question cards for deeper discussion.
• Bids--bids are basically anytime a partner tries to engage. When one spouse expresses a "bid," what does the other spouse do with it? Turn away from it or towards it? Examine how you personally turn towards or away from your spouses "bid" to engage in conversation or relationship. 
• Emotional bank account--keep a ledger of Deposits and Withdraws. Write down the ways you "deposit" into your spouse vs. how you respond negatively and "withdraw." FYI, there's a 5:1 rule...for every withdraw, you need 5 deposits to make up for it. 
• 20 minute debriefing conversation at the end of every day. Stay connected to what's going on in your partner's day. 

How to handle conflict:

• Assess personal baggage: what did we learn from our parents that we're repeating? 
• Learn how to say what you need versus automatically attacking
• "67% of your arguments are unresolvable"--Gottman   Well, that means trying to focus on the ones that you can resolve instead of going 'round and 'round about the same thing that will never get anywhere.
• "Hard startup" vs. "soft startup": think about your approach to conflict. Are you starting off with a harsh blame or is there a way to come into the conversation a bit better?

You can change your marriage by yourself.

If you make a change, your spouse changes, too, in order to recalibrate to your change. (Get it?)

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."

What can you change?

Rule #1: If it works, don't fix it!

   Focus on what works, the problem-free times. What's different? 

Rule #2: If it doesn't work, do something different!

1. Change ANYTHING. Time of day, location (move your fight to the bathtub and see what happens), who talks (flip a coin and each person gets 10 minutes)
2. Make a new step in the sequence. Take a walk, take a break and eat lunch
3. Do a 180-degree turn:Identify what hasn't been working and try doing the opposite. Watch what happens!
4. Act "as if." Change your expectations. Fill in the blank: "How would I act differently if I expected _______?" (ex. the evening to go well). 
5. As the old adage goes, actions speak louder than words. If nagging isn't working, what can you do instead?
6. Try a different medium. Write vs. talk. See how that's received.
7. Feelings are valid, but behavior is chosen. We can put too much emphasis on feelings. Try riding out the feelings and either waiting or doing nothing. "You can act your way into a nee way of feeling. You can't feel your way into a new way of acting."
8. As a last resort...what would you change after  a divorce? Maybe take a class? Get out more or spend more time with girlfriends? Change it now. 

When in doubt, there's a whole Bible full of good ideas on how to treat each other. Consider Philippians 2:1-8 as  a great place to start.

Questions

1. Can you give an example of something that you are doing RIGHT in your relationship that you should be sure to continue?
2. Which example of how to change one thing (time of day, location, structure) during a disagreement (fight) would you be willing to try?
3. Do you have an example of a 180-degree turn you think you could make in a problem area?
4. Can you think of an instance where you might "act as if?"
5. Do you agree that you can choose your actions, in spite of your feelings?

Resources

www.Smart Marriages.com

www.gottman.com

Christianity Today's marriage resource website

Family Ties That Bind, a self-help guide to change through Family of Origin therapy by Dr. Ronald W. Richardson

Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver

And Baby Makes Three by John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D

 

  

Amy Young:: Kids + Money

Okay, so I'm a little behind. Because two meetings ago, we heard from UPC MOPS founder Amy Young about how to teach our kids about money. Using tools from finance favorite Dave Ramsey, Amy walked us through plenty of ideas and strategies to show our kids that money doesn't grow on trees, yo.

Due to technical difficulties, we don't have the audio for Amy's talk. Please enjoy the summary below.

Dave Ramsey and his daughter, Rachel Cruze, are known as a go-to team for most things financial. Their recent project is Smart Money, Smart Kids and shows families healthy ways to share about money. After all, "Your kids will spend like you, save like you, give like you, budget like you, and fight with your spouses about money...like you."--Dave Ramsey

For those of us pretty early in this parenting game, Amy began the conversation with a question: "What can we do to make sure our kids can learn about money?"

• play store
• practice counting
• ask "which is more?"when you're in the store or just out in the world.

She also shared some things that have worked/not worked for her family that were good to think about. It got the juices flowing for all of us: what are the things we do well? Amy told us that they have always put emphasis on charity/giving and discerning where they want to spend their money (i.e. if you're going to travel, you can't be a skiing family).

Then, where are the areas we may not be hitting our goals for our family? Amy shared about a lack of an organization system for the kids' money and having minimal consistency with allowance.

From there, we reflected on our own pasts with money. We all learned about it somehow, so what were some things we remember learning from our parents? From that experience, what would we teach our kids?

Then we dove into Ramsey material.
Work & Responsibility
This is important. Starting young, it's important to connect work and money--this allows kids to find purpose in their work. They learn responsibility and gets them ready for the real world. How can we show our kids that that work can be hard, but satisfying and give us a sense of purpose?

//Chart chores: What can your kids do for "commissions" or "allowance" and what can they do simply as part of the family? Once you decide what things earn money, make it visual (a crumpled $1 bill fills a jar faster than a flat one!). Or put a picture of what they're saving for on the fridge.

Spending & Wisdom
You can be a spender or a saver, there is no right or wrong. But spending is a skill. And once you figure out what kind of relationship your child has with money, you can better guide them in their decisions and habits. This is especially important in this day and age when advertising and social media bombard our kids all the time. They have constant access to what other people are up to and what other people say they should be up to. This creates a pressure to portray the best image online because the whole world is watching. And it takes money to portray and protect their image, if it means the most expensive "thing." It takes time to learn the balance between spending and saving. They need your help.

//Think about it: What are the ways advertising and social media impact your life? How could it impact your kids' level of contentment?

Giving & Generosity
"The antidote to selfishness is giving."- Dave Ramsey
We are living in "Generation Me," where there is less giving, empathy, etc. That's why it's important to make good habits. Little kids are naturally good givers, before they learn how this money thing works. Encourage that early tendency and give them a legacy to live into now. It's a gift to your kids to teach them to give. After all, God owns it all anyway. Sharing what we have shows our kids how to focus on the needs of others.

How can you begin to exercise a different muscle with our kids and get the conversation going?

//What to do: Verbalize when you give. Show them the World Vision catalog rather than just writing the check. Tell them why you're taking a meal to a MOPS mom. Don't let this giving go unnoticed.

Ultimately, it's never too young to start this conversation. Happy teaching!

Nancy Blakey:: The Importance of Outdoors for Kids

At our last meeting, we heard from Nancy Blakey about the benefit of kicking our kids outside...often. She gracefully encouraged all of us to spend a lot of time outdoors with as little structure as possible. Even in the rainy Northwest, we can do it! Zip those kids up in Gortex and have an adventure!

Click HERE for the recording of Nancy's talk. And for those of you joining us from work and can't listen, a summary is included below. Enjoy!

Why do we need to go outside?

• It goes back to hunter/gatherer days, when humans were fending for themselves and relying on physical prowess to survive. It's what we're made to do.
• When we're outside, mental fog is lifted and we see/smell/hear better. 
• For kids, there are fewer "no's!" outside! There's so much more freedom than when they're in the house and hearing "don't touch," "leave her alone," and "clean up that mess." 
• Even 10-15 minutes/day works wonders for physical development and imagination. 
• Kids are meant and built to climb/fall/jump/swing/etc and their bodies develop accordingly. If free movement is restricted, it can cause injuries later when they're involved in focused sports. "Unstructured activity" is important for all of their ligaments to grow properly and safely engage in activity for years to come.   

What stops us?

• Tools: "There's no bad weather, just bad clothing." Stick them in an Oaki or Tuffo one-piece rain suit and some boots and head outside! But it doesn't even have to take money--even a simple DIRT PILE can lend itself to hours of entertainment.
• Tolerance: for muddy feet, skinned knees + bruises, all the zipping in the winter, the laundry. You can do it.
• Time: There are two "time stealers" that can make free time outside more unlikely.
• Screen time
• Structured activities (practices, games on weekends, etc.) 
• Be careful of over-committing to sports and activities. It can rob your kids of time to...be kids (and don't forget about family time!). Just wait and limit. And don't worry about keeping them out of something--if they're destined to be Olympians, you can't stop that. Taking them out of something won't hinder their gifts and talents.  

Afraid of kicking them outside and leaving them to their own devices? Remember: boredom is a good thing! They learn to work with it! It's a driving force. Teach them how to be bored NOW because a bored teenager is worse. 

In the end, they won't remember clean windows or vacuumed rugs. They will remember tag with dad, planting potatoes, getting dirty and laughing. We're all heroes of our own lives + stories. But the heroes have to learn how to shoot the bow + arrow and fend for themselves. And that happens outside.

Tips:

• Walks: Part 2-3 blocks from your destination and walk. It's a time to talk and go slow. Make sure you allow time to take as long as it takes. 
• Keep exercise + exploring separate: Make sure you each get your time. Rather than counting "outside time" as a run with the kids in the stroller, take your time, then give them time out of the stroller. Do what you need to do to be a good mommy, but let them move. 
• Authenticity: Does your child have no problem playing outside...for hours...when mommy's cold and tired of pushing the swing? Be true to how you want to parent. It's okay to say "I'm too tired, figure it out, you're on your own." Give them things to get them going and let them go. Maybe encourage outside play that's less physical. Sidewalk paint, anyone? 

 Ideas:

• Gardening: a space that's their own over which they can take ownership. Easy and satisfying things to plant include potatoes, radishes, and carrots. Stake it out, bright and colorful, and tell them "this is your spot." They'll love it. If you're short on space (i.e. live in an apartment), buy a pot and seeds. That's their space. 
• Take a handful of pennies and throw them out into the yard. Give them a bucket and a mission: "Go find 'em!" To make it really exciting, give them a magnifying glass. They'll think they're rich and you'll delight in how long it takes them.
• Bury things in your yard and have them dig 'em up. Your yard won't win Backyard of the Year, but your kids could be endlessly entertained, which is a win.
• Go on a treasure hunt or go geocaching. Look it up.  
• Give them a disposable camera and one word: "bugs." 
• Give them a box + tell them to collect things that are green.

Places to go:

• Seattle Children's Play Garden
• Seward Park
• Boeing Creek Park
• Richmond Beach Saltwater Park
• Mercer Island Adventure Playground
• Seattle Waterfront construction (it's safe!)
• Ferry ride
• Bainbridge Island Kiddie Museum or Battlepoint Park

Recommended Reading:

Let Them Be Eaten By Bears: A Fearless Guide to Taking Our Kids into the Great Outdoors by Peter Brown Hoffmeister

Go Outside! by Nancy Blakey

The Down and Dirty Guide to Camping with Kids by Helen Olsson

Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv

The Kids Outdoor Adventure Book: 448 Great Things to Do in Nature Before You Grow Up by Globe Pequot Press

50 Dangerous Things (you should let your child do) by Gever Tulley and Julie Spiegler

15 Minutes Outside: 365 Ways to Get Out of the House and Connect with Your Kids by Rebecca Cohen

I Love Dirt: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature by Kennifer Ward 

Noticing Goodness:: Guest Blogger

Once upon a time, our own Eva Jennings got up in front of everyone and shared about how she'd be practicing "noticing goodness" in her life. Before we begin another facet of our theme at our next meeting, Eva is graciously allowing me to post her beautiful and thoughtful opening here as a refresher for us all. 

....... 

Since we are starting to explore the “Noticing Goodness” part of our Fierce Flourishing theme today, I wanted to share some of my recent thoughts and experience on noticing goodness. I recently came across an article in a MOPS magazine by a man named James Bryan Smith. The article starts with a story:

"When my friend John took on a new and very demanding role in ministry, he called Dallas Willard for advice. (Dallas Willard was a philosophy professor at USC) With pen and notepad in hand, John was ready to write down a half dozen or more key things. Dallas began by saying 'Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.' John wrote it down.

'Okay. What’s next?' queried John.

'There is no next. Just do that, John, and you’ll be fine.'

The author continues…

"Why is eliminating hurry from our lives so crucial? When we eliminate hurry we become present… to the present moment in all of its glory. We become aware of our surroundings. We see colors and smell smells; we hear hushed sounds and can actually feel the wind in our faces. In short, we 'show up' and experience the fullness of life.... Hurry is not part of a well-lived life."

By nature, I am not a hurrier. I like to live in the moment. When I read a book, I savor each word, enjoying the sound of it in my head before moving on. When I wash the dishes, I take my time, getting each bubble of soap off of the dish, then watching the water drip from the dish before placing it on the rack (I turn the water off in between dishes).

Unfortunately, life with two young kids encourages a whole lot of hurry. I often feel the need to rush through sweet moments, to get back to the tasks that I think I need to accomplish. I don’t think this is what life is supposed to be about.

One of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to spend at least 15 minutes every day playing with my kids. Not just spending time with them while cooking or cleaning or gardening, but actually involving my whole body and mind in the play. In these moments of play, something magical happens. I laugh more. I revel in the creative process that is engrossing my kids, rather than focusing on the mess that they are making. Simply put, we all have fun and feel lighter for it.

For those of you like me who like to hear the science behind the benefits of eliminating hurry, I’ll leave you with a piece of inspiration from the magazine Real Simple:

"Washing dishes can reduce a person’s levels of stress and anger by 27%! Researchers had 51 college students tackle the chore, asking some to really focus on the act (the scent of the soap, the warmth of the water, how the dishes felt) while leaving others to just do it. Afterward, the subjects completed reports relating to mindfulness, inspiration and stress. Those who had solely concentrated on washing the dishes experienced a 27% reduction in nervousness and bad feelings, and enjoyed a 25% boost in mental inspiration. The distracted dish-washers experienced nothing."

Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. :)

                                                                       --Eva Jennings