Charissa Pomrehn:: Self Care

Well, ladies--time to recap our first official speaker of the year! A couple of Tuesdays ago, Charissa Pomrehn spoke with us about the importance of self care. No mother is surprised that during this season of having small children, this is a concept and practice that quickly falls by the wayside. Charissa took the time to walk us through the practice of slowing down, taking a moment, and truly considering what fills us up when life seems to only drain us.

*No audio is available for this talk. Please enjoy a written recap below!*

To start, Charissa prompted us with this question: what do you think of when you hear the words "self care?" And the women in the room delivered:

• time alone
• space
• sleep
• grooming
• a massage

What is self care?

• What brings you alive?
• What fills your soul?

But be careful not to confuse "self comfort" with "self care."

Self comfort: comfort foods, Netflix. Things that numb. There is a time and place.
Self care: things that bring you alive, make you feel good after, not just in the moment.

Once more, Charissa asked the room: "What fills your soul?"

• hiking
• walking
• painting
• finishing something
• time with other adults

Moms are moved by self care, but blocked from it. Why?

What Moms Tell Themselves

1.) "I'm too busy"
   -Those are the moms who need it the most.
   -Look at the creation story: Genesis chapters 1 + 2. On the 7th day, God rested from his work. He took a break. His work wasn't done, but he rested. "All that I needed to do is done. It is finished."--God
   -How can we relate to our work the way God relates to his? How can we reframe our "to do's" in light of the need to rest?
   -What small step can you take to work when it's time to work and rest when it's time to rest?

2.) "Self care is selfish."
   -It's not just for the good, but for the good of others, too.
   -How can the fullness of God be expressed by burnt-out moms?
   -Matthew 11:28-30
   -When you are filled, you have more to pour out to others.

3.) "I shouldn't really need it."
   -If we don't value what we do, it's hard to make the time for what we need to do it.
   -We all know the inner dialogue the replays through our minds. "People have it harder, I have it so easy, why should I make time for it?" Or...
   -"My mom and grandma didn't think about/prioritize self care, so why should I?"
   -Stop comparing.
   -Stop thinking "I don't have anything to be tired about."
   -When you're brave enough to fill your soul, you become more brave to do and be who God created you to be.

Which one of these roadblocks is keeping you from doing what will fill your soul?

Q & A Time with Charissa

Q: How do you reconcile/justify self care when we're "privileged" to stay home? Basically, how do we deal with the guilt we feel for needing/wanting self care? Or, while you're caring for yourself, what about the things piling up on the other end of that time away?
A: Invite God into that barrier and see what He does. Barriers may seem external (time, a babysitter) but they're really internal and where we need the power of God.

Q: How do you make the peace of self care last? The re-entry into life (the chaos) can be too hard.
A: It takes strategy. What is self care you can do every day where the re-entry isn't painful? Maybe involve your kids. Ideas for daily practice: get outside with your lunch or take a walk, don't check email first thing in the morning, get up early, say "no" to something soul-draining and "yes" to soul-giving, podcasts while doing the dishes.

Q: How do we ask our community for support in self care?
A: Get clear on your reasons for it. Ask yourself why you want to do it. Then you're better able to explain your "why" to those around you.

Q: How can we encourage each other in a deep way when we see burn out in others?
A: We can't always jump in and solve it. Remember the oxygen mask analogy (in the event of an emergency, put yours on first before placing it on those around you). Speak life into the person you care about by pointing out that if they're not full, they can't pour anything out for others.

Further Discussion

• Charissa defined self care as doing things that fill your soul. What's one thing that fills your soul?
• Do you relate to the distinction between self comfort (things that numb you) and self care (things that make you come alive)?
• Which story most often blocks you from doing the things that fill your soul?
• I'm too busy
• Self care is selfish
• Self care is a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have.

• What do you know about God and life with Him that can help you not get stuck in this story?
• What's one thing you want to commit to out of the meeting?