Friday, November 21, 2014

Mom's Morning Out

Mark your calendars!
Coming up on Thursday, December 11th from 9:30 am – 12 pm is Mom's Morning Out. What does this mean to you? Drop your kids off at UPC for a morning of crafts and fun while you go Christmas shopping, out for coffee with a friend, or have some “alone” time. Basically, go do whatever is on your list or go do nothing at all! Be kid-free for a few hours and enjoy.

The Details:
  • Sign up by Tuesday, December 2nd
  • $10 per child due at the time of registration
  • Checks made out to UPC
  • Registration forms and basket for money will be on the Welcome Table at the next meeting (12/2).
Don't miss out!

Women's Panel

First of all, a huge heartfelt "thank you" to the Mentor Moms who participated in Tuesday's panel. We know it's not easy to sit in front of a room of us and share into a microphone, but your wisdom and insight were invaluable. We have the unique opportunity to glean life and motherhood nuggets from some pretty amazing ladies, and we are grateful!

For those unable to attend, the women touched on what's important in motherhood, marriage, and family dynamics as they reflect on their own experience.

A few tidbits to take away...

on Motherhood:
  • Savor the early years--they go so fast!
  • Have fun with your kids
  • Forgive yourself
on Marriage:
  • Make a point to spend time together, to connect
  • Take advantage of growth/enrichment opportunities such as retreats or conferences
  • Play together
  • Hang in there!
on Communicating with Your Kids:
  • Take advantage of the moments, as inconvenient as they may be, when your kids want to talk to you. 
  • Notice and adapt to individual communication styles between multiple children
  • Listen
  • Remember that "words can't be unsaid"
on Self-Care:
  • Institute "quiet time" for kids so you can have time to yourself
  • Include kids in life-giving things: devotional time, exercise. You're modeling good habits for them.
  • Don't feel guilty about what "fills your cup." Any cost (not getting the chores done, for example) is worth it because "you can't pour out of an empty cup."
  • Connect with female friends who remind you you're not in it alone!
on In-Laws:
  • Assume good intentions!
on Including Grandparents (our parents,in-laws) in Our Busy Lives:
  • Call vs. text--they want to hear your voice!
  • Make them aware of opportunitites to be involved with your kids (recitals, activities)
  • Ask them if there's something in particular they'd like to do with your kids or your family (over the holidays, for example) so they have something to look forward to
  • Know that grandparents want to make memories with you and your kids
Discussion Questions:
  1. What is one thing that resonated with you, or that you identified with, from the panel?
  2. What is one thing mentioned by a mentor mom that was inspiring or that you would like to try out with your family?
  3. What is one thing that you wish you had known about becoming a mom?
  4. Who in your life has been a source of good mentoring since becoming a mom?        

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

MOPS and Mary's Place

This year we are partnering with Mary's Place as a way of serving together. We are donating new or gently used items to their shelter for women and children in need as a way to support this wonderful agency and its mission.

Here is their Wish List of current needs and ways we can help:

Mary's Place Wish List
  • Financial gifts
  • Rain coats, ponchos, umbrellas
  • Backpacks, tote bags, re-useable grocery bags, wheeled luggage
  • Underwear, bras, socks (women and children sizes)
  • Gift cards for grocery, department and drug stores, and coffee shops
  • Feminine hygiene products
  • Diapers (sizes 4, 5, 6), pull-ups, baby wipes, baby formula
  • Soap, shampoo, deodorant, razors
  • Toothbrushes, toothpaste
  • Vitamins, pain relievers, cold/allergy medicine, cough drops, first aid
  • Adult diapers
  • Milk, breakfast cereal, juice
  • Juice boxes, kids snacks
  • Hair care products
  • Blankets, new sheets (twin size)
  • Flashlights
  • Reading glasses
  • Whistles
We will be collecting these donations at the next two meetings, both on November 18th and December 2nd. Bring your items and they will be passed along to Mary's Place.

Also, there are tons of other wonderful ways to get involved with Mary's Place this holiday season. We each received a few pages outlining volunteer opportunities and if you did not get your hands on that, let us know. What a great way to serve this Christmas!

One more thing--if you have an item that doesn't quite meet the needs on the Mary's Place list, consider it for our very own MOPS Accessory/Toy Exchange coming up on December 16th!

Mary's Place
office@marysplaceseattle.org
www.marysplaceseattle.org
(206)621-8474

Monday, November 10, 2014

Alison Bower:: Parenting with a Plan

Last Tuesday we heard from Alison Bower, a local parent educator who spoke about connecting with our kids instead of commanding them. Her message was humor- and grace-filled, yet convicting (at least for me--what did you guys think?).

Consider the notes below, complete with the exercises she led us through and the questions she gave us to think about, as you try to get out of the house with your kid today.   What are we teaching them in the long run? 

Exercise
Identify the challenges your're facing RIGHT NOW:  fits, lying, hitting, wining, drinking the dog's water
Identify the skills/attributes they NEED TO LEARN: patience, empathy, self-confidence, generosity, manners, self-control, gratitude

If you look at the "challenges" list, that is exactly who your kids are supposed to be right now. And it is exactly how they learn to have the skills we desire for them. Within those challenging moments are the opportunities to teach the attributes we're hoping to cultivate in them as they grow.

So how to we foster that and harness those "teaching moments?"

Exercise
Examples of bossy/commanding communication: "Go get your coat," "Put your toys away," "It's time to go," "Put your shoes on."
Examples of asking questions/helping them make decisions: "How are you going to stay warm and dry today?" or "What do we need to do to leave the house in a few minutes?"

Asking them questions gives them responsibility and a chance to make choices, which is empowering for them. Commands are disconnected and, quite frankly, rude--which isn't okay just because they're little. Involving them in the process of leaving the house or getting ready for bed is more intentional and gives them the opportunity to THINK.

Rule of Thumb: Don't ask "why," ask "what" or "how." Before we give a command, is there a question we can ask? Generally, if you stop and think and can start with "What..." then you're on the right track to connecting.

When we give them the opportunity to feel more capable, they become more capable.

Yes, this way takes more time. It takes more time right now and can be super inconvenient, but a.) kids are super inconvenient and b.) it won't last forever.  It does mean thinking ahead, leaving time for these interactions, and being prepared with a plan rather than resorting to commands because you're late.

In the end, you have to be willing to get the answer that you get. And it's not always going to be the right one. If you aren't up for that, then you're not being honest and intentional about the experience. Go into it open to what they say. These conversations are not only a vessel for them still to do what we want them to do. Sometimes they will decide to go to school in the rain without a coat. BUT...
  • Go ahead and ask follow-up questions to help them get there. You don't have to stop at the first question.
  • If they don't and come home wet and cold, restart the conversation. Avoid "I told you so," but instead ask what they can do tomorrow to avoid that happening again.
  • You can have fun doing the right thing! Skip to the car, race to put your shoes on, make a game out of putting toys away. It's okay to help them want  to leave the house with you!
 Discussion Questions:
  1. What is an area of discipline that you are finding really challenging right now?
  2. What is working well for your family in the area of discipline?

 Alison Bower
www.ParentsInMind.com
alison@alisonbowerconsulting.com
(206)498-5301

Resources
Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by H. Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelson
Positive Discipline for Pre Schoolers by Jane Nelson