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for the recording of Krista's talk.
Enjoy!
Anxiety & Depression: Two Sides of the Same Coin (Control)
- Depression says: "It doesn't matter, whatever I do isn't going to make a difference." I have no control, nothing I do is going to change anything.
- Anxiety says: "I have to control everything. I can do it best. If it's gonna be, it's up to me."
- Bible says: Look back at Genesis. What was the intent? Design? They were given animals, land, etc. They were given some control, but not all control (not THAT tree). See, it shows that there are things you can do, and things to surrender.
This is work we all need to do in order to identify where the pressure is coming from and how it manifests itself, anxiety or depression. Basically, where is the "should" coming from that brings on the need for control or the feeling of lack of control?
- A single value that is perceived as unachievable= ____________ (ex. success)
- Not reaching this incites a depressive response
- Too many values that are perceived as all achievable=_________ (ex. Pinterest, "you can do All The Things" messaging)
- Striving for this causes anxiety
- Knowing and Prioritizing
- Past: What kind of home did you grow up in (something painful that you would do differently or pleasure) that you want to keep or make a high value)? Identifying these things can show that you are anchored in something that isn't your own value.
- What was valued in your family (Agree/Disagree)? Keep asking this question to discern what to keep or toss.
- Future: What kind of home do you want (Unachievable/Achievable)?
- ex. clean home b/c my house wasn't clean growing up. How can you get there so you don't always feel like you're failing? Start with drawing your community in, give the narrative behind the value to help them help you see change. Sharing your "why" imparts empathy and they want to help.
- What kind of values do you want in your family (Too few/Too many)?
- Where do they come from?
"Every instruction we give, every course of action we set, every result we desire, starts with the same thing: a decision."-- Simon Sinek
Goal: Knowing the "Why"
"A [family] can explain what it does; some can explain how they do it; but very few can clearly articulate why."--Simon Sinek
FURTHER DISCUSSION
- Do you identify with feeling depressed (having goal/value you can't achieve) or with feeling anxious (having too many goals/values that are unachievable)?
- What is one value in your home that is a result of pain? What is one value that comes from what went right in your family of origin?
- Name one family value you want to have? What might it look like to live from that value?
- In the end, why do you want to change? You may know the "what" to change and the "how" but have you asked yourself "why?"
- Start With Why by Simon Sinek
- Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
- To Be Told (+ Workbook) by Dr. Dan Allender
Krista Law, MA, LMHC
Individuals & Couples Counselor
