*No audio is available for this talk. Please enjoy a written recap below!*
Laura's
story began with this: throughout it all, God was there. She can see it
now. The thread through everything, especially the low points and when
she thought there was nowhere else to go but gone, God's hand was
present.
God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do
with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may
better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy Love, and Thy
Way of life. May I do thy will always.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63.
"Be the light."
Little
Laura grew up in a family of four and from an early age, sought
identity in achievement. In academics and athletics, she excelled for
approval. Middle school brought challenges we're all familiar with and
some we're not, to the point where she wasn't sure she wanted there to
be a tomorrow. But God did and stepped in. Next came youth group, where
she started to see God in it all and began to accept God's love as enough.
His message to her? "Be the light." She found peace in that.
"Stop trying to fix it."
As
life went on, Laura fell into familiar patterns, losing herself in her
husband, her job, and having the perfect garden. There were also
triathlons. Ever the athlete, it was her outlet and a way to achieve.
Then life took many, many curve balls. Terminal illness in her family,
marital crisis, and a car accident brought Laura to the bottom.
Again, she heard God's voice. "Stop trying to fix it." Through all the anger and sadness, God gave her tools. From a praying doctor to the 12 step program, God reached for her. The message was clear: "You are separate from everything. Everything and everyone else does not define you." Hard to believe, considering she didn't feel separate from anything when kids were attached 24/7. Value was hard to measure if not in the job, the kids, the husband, the triathlons.
"It wasn't about everything I did, but who I was. I wasn't enough. In any way. But that didn't mean I wasn't loved."
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation —some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism [powerlessness], I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
--found in the AA Big Book, p. 417 (Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth edition)
Turns out it's not about changing/fixing everyone else.
Changes that worked:
- Responsible for me alone
- My job is to go to God, surrender to God. All of it. Let go of controlling because my happiness isn't dependent on someone else. No more "future catastrophizing," just take in the present for what it is. Breathe. Make space.
- Pray throughout the day
- Serenity prayer
- Resentment prayer--pray the best for your enemies. Like you would pray for yourself. Watch what happens.
- Stay on your own property
- Focus on your side of the street. There's plenty of your own stuff to worry about without seeing the flaws in your neighbor's life.
- None of my business what other's think about me.
- be free
- listen to what God has for you
- surrender judgements
- focus outward on blessing others
- Engage with others
- Get outside. Move.
- Believe the truth God has for you.
You are beautiful, beloved, & enough.
Just as you are.
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