Krista Law:: The ABC's of Attachment Theory

At our last meeting, we got to hear from a MOPS fan favorite, Krista Law. Always relatable, she mines her own motherhood journey for examples of flying and failing, what worked and what really didn't. In this case, we heard about Attachment Theory and why its important (i.e. how it forms our kids in the long run!). We've all read books about the "right" behavior for our children... the measures of smarts/looks/sleep/how kids are growing, but how is your relationship with your kid? How is your bond/connection? And how does this impact their future?

 Click HERE for the recording of Krista's talk.

Enjoy!

ATTACHMENT THEORY
   -One of the many values to factor in to your parenting
   -You will be the model by which they engage with everyone.
   -No shame in "missing the mark." There's always redemption. Always great hope. It's possible.

A. Availability
Access to you. A call and a response. Aim for 20% of the time. When it counts (meltdown, injury, request), can you turn to them and respond?  This develops resiliency. When needed, mom is available to help restore and try again. This muscle is worked and they learn this for life. They get what they need when they need it and are helped back to their baseline.
The "stuff" can wait.Yes, being available will cost you. It will cost you what you value and what other people value, but it's necessary. Shuffle priorities.

B. Be reflective
Mirror what is happening for them. Be their descriptor. They need help developing symbols and words for experience. This means describing without judgement. Become resourceful. Develop an internal resource to use as an anchor for how they feel. When you pause to reflect, you do get an understanding of their feelings and relate. It takes practice, to filter through all the other factors coming at you and get to the heart of it.

C. Consistency
Develops a sense of power. Ex. who's kid has been planning their birthday party for the past year? It's the same every year, predictability. A soothing happens when they feel they have some control in their world. Eventually, they're better at confronting the potential for risk--even when there's unknown, they've had a past of consistency, so they can count on things working out again. They'll be creative. If you can't count on something, the desire atrophies. What can they count on?
What works for you? What is something you can fold in to what you already do (or else you'll fail)? Nothing elaborate. Bedtime routine, school pickup, around the dinner table. What's the anchor to their day?

Further Discussion

• Who were you most attached to when you were younger? What were the characteristics they had that you remember being wonderful?
• What are some values that are important to you that may keep you from being available to meet your child's emotional needs? (being on time, having company over, public appearances, homeowork-school-education, being a servant)
• Are there any emotions that you feel like you can't tolerate or wouldn't be able to gently reflect back to your child when they are experiencing them? (anger, ungrateful attitude, spoiled, talking too much, being too specific)
• Consistency is practically very challenging. Is there one specific time of the day or routine event that involves your child that you could resolve to be consistent in?

Resources
I Love you Rituals by Rebecca Anne Bailey
Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day by Susan Newman
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Melinda Blau and Tracy Hogg
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers by Melinda Blau and Tracy Hogg
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

Krista Law, LMHC

www.kristalaw.com

info@kristalaw.com 

Charissa Pomrehn:: Self Care

Well, ladies--time to recap our first official speaker of the year! A couple of Tuesdays ago, Charissa Pomrehn spoke with us about the importance of self care. No mother is surprised that during this season of having small children, this is a concept and practice that quickly falls by the wayside. Charissa took the time to walk us through the practice of slowing down, taking a moment, and truly considering what fills us up when life seems to only drain us.

*No audio is available for this talk. Please enjoy a written recap below!*

To start, Charissa prompted us with this question: what do you think of when you hear the words "self care?" And the women in the room delivered:

• time alone
• space
• sleep
• grooming
• a massage

What is self care?

• What brings you alive?
• What fills your soul?

But be careful not to confuse "self comfort" with "self care."

Self comfort: comfort foods, Netflix. Things that numb. There is a time and place.
Self care: things that bring you alive, make you feel good after, not just in the moment.

Once more, Charissa asked the room: "What fills your soul?"

• hiking
• walking
• painting
• finishing something
• time with other adults

Moms are moved by self care, but blocked from it. Why?

What Moms Tell Themselves

1.) "I'm too busy"
   -Those are the moms who need it the most.
   -Look at the creation story: Genesis chapters 1 + 2. On the 7th day, God rested from his work. He took a break. His work wasn't done, but he rested. "All that I needed to do is done. It is finished."--God
   -How can we relate to our work the way God relates to his? How can we reframe our "to do's" in light of the need to rest?
   -What small step can you take to work when it's time to work and rest when it's time to rest?

2.) "Self care is selfish."
   -It's not just for the good, but for the good of others, too.
   -How can the fullness of God be expressed by burnt-out moms?
   -Matthew 11:28-30
   -When you are filled, you have more to pour out to others.

3.) "I shouldn't really need it."
   -If we don't value what we do, it's hard to make the time for what we need to do it.
   -We all know the inner dialogue the replays through our minds. "People have it harder, I have it so easy, why should I make time for it?" Or...
   -"My mom and grandma didn't think about/prioritize self care, so why should I?"
   -Stop comparing.
   -Stop thinking "I don't have anything to be tired about."
   -When you're brave enough to fill your soul, you become more brave to do and be who God created you to be.

Which one of these roadblocks is keeping you from doing what will fill your soul?

Q & A Time with Charissa

Q: How do you reconcile/justify self care when we're "privileged" to stay home? Basically, how do we deal with the guilt we feel for needing/wanting self care? Or, while you're caring for yourself, what about the things piling up on the other end of that time away?
A: Invite God into that barrier and see what He does. Barriers may seem external (time, a babysitter) but they're really internal and where we need the power of God.

Q: How do you make the peace of self care last? The re-entry into life (the chaos) can be too hard.
A: It takes strategy. What is self care you can do every day where the re-entry isn't painful? Maybe involve your kids. Ideas for daily practice: get outside with your lunch or take a walk, don't check email first thing in the morning, get up early, say "no" to something soul-draining and "yes" to soul-giving, podcasts while doing the dishes.

Q: How do we ask our community for support in self care?
A: Get clear on your reasons for it. Ask yourself why you want to do it. Then you're better able to explain your "why" to those around you.

Q: How can we encourage each other in a deep way when we see burn out in others?
A: We can't always jump in and solve it. Remember the oxygen mask analogy (in the event of an emergency, put yours on first before placing it on those around you). Speak life into the person you care about by pointing out that if they're not full, they can't pour anything out for others.

Further Discussion

• Charissa defined self care as doing things that fill your soul. What's one thing that fills your soul?
• Do you relate to the distinction between self comfort (things that numb you) and self care (things that make you come alive)?
• Which story most often blocks you from doing the things that fill your soul?
• I'm too busy
• Self care is selfish
• Self care is a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have.

• What do you know about God and life with Him that can help you not get stuck in this story?
• What's one thing you want to commit to out of the meeting?

REGISTERRRRRRR

Wait--hold on. 

What? Really? YOU HAVEN'T REGISTERED YET?

Okay, I guess I get it. A little. It's been summer. You've been busy. All the sunscreen and swim diapers and watermelon for dinner. How did fall get here so fast? Yadda yadda. But it's September. And MOPS starts in one week!

What are you still reading me for????

GO! NOW! Before it's too late!

(...which it's not. Yet.)

See you Tuesday, October 3rd!

 *MOPS REGISTRATION HERE*

Summer Park Play Dates Are HERE!

As our MOPS year has come to an end, we have dried are eyes and are now looking forward to a summer of play dates!

Each month we will meet at a new park from 10-11:30am and enjoy the (fingers crossed) sunshine. Look for the pink polka dot/zebra print tablecloth and a host to greet you. Also, feel free to bring your friends who may want to check out MOPS. It's the perfect setting to get to know other moms in an informal way and see what we're all about before the fall.

See you there!

JUNE:: Bitter Lake Park

13035 Linden Ave N

June 6

June20

JULY:: West Woodland Park Playground

Phinney Ave N & N 59th St.

July 18

AUGUST:: Matthews Beach

49th Ave NE & NE 93rd St

August 1

August 15

August 29

SEPTEMBER:: Maple Leaf Park

1020 NE 82nd St

September 5

September 19

Shari Gaffney::Marriage

At our last meeting, we had the privilege of hearing from Shari Gaffney. Married for 30 years, Shari and her husband, Mike, share a passion for mentoring young couples and encouraging others through their wisdom and experience. They've been through their own peaks and valleys while walking alongside tons of couples and getting a good idea of what makes marriage work. So listen up--she knows a thing or two!

Click HERE for the recording of Shari's talk.

Enjoy!

 

"A picture paints a thousand words...but doesn't tell the whole story." In this social media world, we only see glimpses of our lives, but it's not reality. No one's life is perfect, and DEFINITELY no one's marriage is perfect.

In marriage, we have "sunsets" (the good, beautiful stuff) and "sand fleas" (the hard stuff). It's just true.

Relationships go through cycles....

• MEET: You meet your spouse. Think about what drew you to him?  
• BUTTERFLIES: Infatuation. "I really want to get to know this person better." 
• HONEYMOON: Paradise, but we start finding flaws. Your partner is human and we begin learning more...and adjusting. Not usually deal-breakers. 
• DOUBT OR DISAPPOINTMENT: "Did I marry the wrong person? I don't feel that infatuation anymore." Take heart--every relationship gets here. Especially after a new baby. Fact//70% of marriages go through a sharp decline after the birth of a child. What do we do?  In our culture, we see people circle back to "meeting" because they want to feel the warm/fuzzy feelings again. It gets too hard, doubt is tough to handle, and they move on to other people. Resist! Get to the next step! 
• RESOLUTION: Don't miss this one! It's hard and work and sucks sometimes, but it's worth it. Maybe it's a hard conversation or a one-on-one with a mentor. Marriage counseling. Maybe you just need to have fun together and remember why you like each other. But God doesn't want us to dwell here and get stuck.... 
• JOY AND HOPE: Where God wants us to live. As awesome as infatuation is, joy can be better because it's earned. We work for it and it fortifies that relationship. 

You might go through this cycle more than once. In life's ups and downs, you will go 'round and 'round again and again.  And the next time it comes around, the better you are. You have the skills to tackle it. It's how you grow. 

 

Looking forward...

Redefine "exciting:" The traditional definition doesn't always apply to our lives, especially with small children. At this point in your relationship, what does it mean to keep your marriage growing, fluid, moving along? How do you avoid being stagnant and still and stuck?
What are the things that keep our relationship vibrant instead of stagnant? 

Consider these. Pick one. Be challenged.

1. Always date. Don't stop dating just because you get married. It's the first thing that goes out the window. Don't just give each other the leftovers of your life. The day we get married, we commit to this priority in your life. It's not your kids (they WILL LEAVE), it's your spouse. We don't always feel like doing this.
   
   "We act our way into feeling much more than we feel our way into acting."--Eugene Peterson
   The action comes first. We make a decision and we live into that decision. Think outside of the box and get creative. Make time to reconnect (a morning date, walk Greenlake, get breakfast, etc...fit it in!). 
2.  Laugh and lighten up. Our homes should be a place to relax and recharge, not stress and tension. Laughter is a recovery technique. Also, don't underestimate the power of affirming your husband as a dad. Your kids don't need two moms. Your husband brings his own gifts and strategies to parenting, even if they go against yours. Let it go.
3. Invest in something as a couple or as a family: What do the two of you bring as a couple that you can give the world? God brought you together for a reason, to give something unique together. Mentor another couple, plug into a ministry, the opportunities are endless!
4. Value your spouse's vantage point: Reserve the criticism or judgment. Think about it from their perspective before jumping in. Ask the next question: "Why is that so important to you?"
5. Enjoy the fruit: Enjoy the strengths of your relationship, without endlessly evaluating and looking for places to correct. Focus on the good stuff.

 Further Discussion

• What first attracted you to your spouse?
• Best/favorite date with your spouse?
• Describe a disappointment you've faced...a disappointment and a resolution.
• What's something that stuck out to you from the talk?

 

Rebecca Stuhlmiller::Redesign Your Homemaking

"Do you ever feel like the cleaning never stops?"
"Do you fall in bed exhausted, but wonder what you accomplished?"
After remarrying and becoming the matriarch of a family of nine, Rebecca Stuhlmiller was at a loss. God showed up and revealed a new design for homemaking so she could love her family and home better: she became more motivated by the why we do it. After all, having a clean house just for the sake of it doesn't last (if our toddlers, the Lego Kings and Queens, have anything to say about it). So what can we do to reorient out thinking and "create room to love God and love people?"

Click HERE for the recording of Rebecca's talk.

Enjoy!

 Step 1: Find Your Focal Point

• Homemaking is about loving God and loving people.
• God gave us this life to love and the people in it. Get to know Him, spend time with Him, and love Him back. He's the reason for all of it and through our roles as mothers/wives taking care of our homes, we are doing the eternal work of loving God, our families, and our neighbors.

Step 2: Empty the Room

• Empty out...paralyzing perfectionism. Forget "If I could just get done ______." You're never done. It's a process.
• Empty out...the Declaration of Independence. We can't do it alone. We need help. But shame, guilt, and sin keep us from asking.
• Empty out...one size fits all. Trying to fit in causes resentment and leaves us worn out. God created us each unique. Ask "what kind of home does God want to help me create?"

Step 3: Bring in the Big Pieces

• 1) Daily Quick List
• Break down the usual zones (bedroom, clothes, office, kitchen, general household) and list attainable daily tasks for each zone. 
• Tip: Have the kids help. They can pick up as many things as they are old or give them a chore for the whole month rather than switching it up weekly. By helping you, they learn a skill. Play to their strengths and personality (i.e. do they like to work alone? Or with a buddy?)

• 2) Color-Coded Calendar
• At a glance, know the capacity of your week. Ex.: blue: show up/no prep; red: prep and/or responsibilities; orange: birthdays/anniversaries, etc. Fill it as full as you want it. 

•  3) Think about deeper cleaning of areas like the kitchen, clothes, office, and house. After the daily list, maybe go a bit further. Make shopping lists, clean the laundry room, shop for gifts for upcoming birthdays. 
• As you have time and energy, and are in the mood, Step 4: Add the Accessories. Deep clean, decorate, plan a capsule wardrobe, clean computer files, and declutter. Use your passion for cooking/baking/crafts/gift-giving/hospitality to love and serve your neighbor. However, simplify if it's not your thing. Develop if it's your passion. Feel free to decide and either let it go or dig in.

Further Discussion

• What activity, hobby, or ministry would you love to do if you had more time?
• What kind of calendar do you keep? How is it working for you?
• What are your favorite activities in the kitchen with your kids? 

Rebecca Stuhlmiller

www.rebeccastuhlmiller.com

rstuhlmiller@gmail.com

Tina Schermer Sellers::I Kissed Shaming Good-Bye

  At our last meeting we heard from Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD LMFT about "raising shame-free kids while freeing ourselves." With many years of experience under her belt, Tina spoke about what it means to process our own background regarding sex/sexuality and evaluate our approach on that topic with our kids. Her goal is to help others understand the impact of shame and to help kids avoid it.

Click HERE for the recording of Tina's talk.

Enjoy!

We are hard-wired for connection and pleasure...love, joy, the ecstatic and the erotic. God made us that way. From birth to old age, we seek it, crave it. What gets in your way when it comes to connection and pleasure? 

We are beloved, every one of us...

All of creation is imbued with the breath of God; made in God's likeness and image; given to care for creation and each other; and to lean on God's wisdom. IT IS GOOD. (Genesis 1)

• How are you seeing the beloved in yourself? Why is that important?

It is so easy to see the beloved in other people. But remember--we are each radically valuable and radically imperfect, but God doesn't love us any less. And it impacts you and others when we can live into that truth. 

Shame: I am unworthy of love and belonging. 

This starts young. And then we start to modify who we are. Then we can't tolerate others as well. Because if we're not worthy, others are unworthy of love and belonging, too. 

 Shame started early in the church. In our lifetimes, most of us probably remember the "Purity Movement" of the 90's that came from the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. This was an example, for some people, of a "shame" message. Basically, religious shame begins with a message like: "don't feel sexual longing, don't think about it or want them, want only Jesus until you get married." And when young, earnest kids commit to something like that, they kind of end up in trouble. Because then they naturally develop...and they feel like something is wrong with them because they can't stop feeling this. They condemn themselves. And those feelings will go underground. And there's no safe place to talk about it--parents, church, etc. 

So how do we raise our kids?

• Your created nature is beloved
• You are hard-wired for connection and pleasure, love, joy, the ecstatic and the erotic
• Your created call is to learn the art of love
• To know how to tap into the spiritual aspects of touch to strengthen sexual intimacy

Tricks to Shame-Free Kiddos (sexually + spiritually free of shame)

• For Parents
• Frame: The education you didn't get
• 95% of families are silent about sex, or shaming. We have to catch up! We have to educate ourselves on how to talk about it and what kids are up against these days (objectification, consent, etc.) because they're going to learn it somewhere.  

• Name: Find a tribe you can share your story to that will be compassionate and empathetic. Work through it, understand it, and redeem it.
• Claim: take your body back! You are wonderful, different, and do not look like each other! What we're fed is unhelpful and unhealthy, so that we go shopping! Work on it! Don't look back in 20 years and say "I missed it." Love YOU now!
• Aim: Write a new legacy. Not what was passed down to you. To your kids: "You are perfectly made! Now we're going to critically think about it, how we're wired."

• With Kids
• Get a developmental chart and be one year ahead at all times
• The more you can be calm and not reactive, the better. Don't load it. Don't give it more importance or less importance.
• Practice conversations so you don't sweat. 
• Have books all over the house.Make the topic available.
• Plan for "mistakes." They're not mistakes if they're turned into lessons. Make a list of all that you're worried about, the "worst case scenarios." Imagine it happens. How would you have a conversation about that? Don't respond in a way so there's a breach of relationship. You want to remain a resource for them. Handle anything they tell you.
•  Put your relationship BEFORE behaviors and choices. Even if they do something you don't like, watch yourself. Because they will do it without you.

Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD, LMFT

tinaschermersellers.com

Institute On Intimacy

Blog

 

 

Vlasta Hillger::Home Organization

Our last meeting had us running to clean out our pantry and find a home for our keys after hearing from organization expert, Vlasta Hillger. In her experience with Simplify Experts, Vlasta sees plenty of people with varying degrees of disorganization. The effect a cluttered home can have on a person is profound. So let's dig into how to better put things away.

Click HERE for the recording of Vlasta's talk.

Enjoy!

  

Why get organized?

Studies show that when we walk into a cluttered environment, our stress levels rise.

• Less anxiety
• More time 
• Saves money (not buying duplicates!)
• More productivity (when you know where things are, you can get more done)

The Organizing Process

It's overwhelming, but you can do it. Take a deep breath and try out this list.

• Visualize + Strategize--what works best for you? 
• Sort + Purge--make categorized piles of least favorites
• Assign a home--so you can find what you need
• Contain + Label--clear bins so you can see what you've got
• Evaluate + Maintain--is it sustainable? Is it still working for you a few weeks later? 

Rule #1: 80% of capacity = FULL

100% is "overfull", so give yourself room to breathe!

 

Family Landing Zone: make a space for your family calendar and daily odds and ends to live that you need access to all the time. Go visual. Simple is best. For example, make files for all that paper in your life and use labels like "bills to pay," "coupons and gift cards," and "Event RSVPs."  

Kid's Landing Zone: All that stuff has GOT to be contained. And it doesn't have to be Pinterest Perfect. Hooks for their backpacks, cubbies for their shoes, a bulletin board for their school flyers. Make a space where you all know where to find what you/they need.

 

Routines + Rituals

• Routines reduce anxiety
• Create a consistent pattern in every day--a place for everything
• Visual checklists--helps your older kids gain independence
• Place your keys and wallet in the same spot every day
• Start your day with finishing something before beginning something new (i.e. at the end of the day, don't start a new project. Give your living space a state of calm). 

Downsize frequently: Fewer things are better than tons of options for kids. They get overwhelmed. Everyone benefits from keeping it simple and limiting all the stuff. LESS is MORE. 

Experiences over items: Doing things as a family outdoors means you are bringing less in.

In 5 Minutes or Less You Can:  

• Empty the dishwasher and wipe down the counter
• Remove expired medicines from a cabinet
• Declutter a shelf or drawer
• Discard canned foods not used in a year
• Enter addresses into your contact list
• Return two emails
• Clean out your purse
• Set out clothes for the next day

Don't give up! Just take 5 minutes/day and you'll get there eventually.  

See Yourself as the House Manager: Schedule what needs to get done, like paying bills and planning activities. Choose a day or evening dedicated to doing these things (i.e. Sunday night is "bills night.")

 

Chores

• Children can help with chores
• If everyone is involved, the house will run better
•  Adopt a Chore Mantra
• We share the house, we share the benefits, we share the work.
• Your contribution is important and we are counting on you.
• You can do what you want to do as soon as you do what you need to do. 
• If Mama isn't happy, nobody's happy

You

• Take care of yourself! Self-care is critical to your well being. Better input for yourself means better output for your family. So sleep, exercise, eat well, and take those vacation or personal days for leisure (not to take on extra work). 
• Get support where you need it. Outsource the housework, yard work, childcare, carpooling, or tutoring. This is the key to mom's happiness.

Turns out this topic spurs up plenty of questions in all of us, so here are some other talking points we covered in the Q & A...

//Keepsakes: keep or toss? 

   -choose the best "version" of your kid's product (the BEST scribble of 100)

   -take a photo as a digital keepsake

   -don't keep macaroni

   -create a binder with sheet protectors for a special test or their first story

//Gifts you receive

   -Don't feel guilt to keep that wedding gift from your great aunt Mildred.

   -Your responsibility to a gift is saying "thank you" and sending a card. Be free not to like it.

   -Let it go.

//When can kids start sorting things?

   -Make it fun/a game/play ("let's put cars and trains in this bin! Yay!")

   -Make it a habit

//Rule of thumb for "what if I need it later?" or "this could be useful someday"

   -work through why you're holding onto things. Some thing are genuinely more important than others. Some are decidedly not.

 

//Toys + Clothes

   -Sort toys no one's playing with/clothes you're not wearing. Put them in a bin. Look at them 6 months later. Did you miss it? Will you really use it/wear it?

  -Think about it: every time you look at that pile of clothes or toys, it's a "To Do" that burdens us. 

  -If you haven't worn it in a season, you might not actually like it. THAT sweater? It's not gonna be any cuter, the longer it sits around.

  -Cycle through toys! 

 

//LEGOS

   -put them in smaller bins, not one big bin, so that if your kids pour them all out, it's not from one big bin (ALL THE LEGOS)

  -they're less likely to dump out a wider, not-as-deep-bin because they can see everything already

  -get a Lego mat. 

 

//Pictures

   -Be easy on yourself

   -sort your pictures on the computer by year and you'll know how to find stuff easier than "Easter"

   -Google Photo sorts pics for you

   -pick a small period of time to print or make a book, not they're entire childhood

   -My Social Book takes FB photos and comments, makes cheap photo book

   -Make a digital slideshow of photo albums and home movies, put it on a DVD. Kids are more likely to watch that than look at an album. And you can capture several years in 20 minutes.

 

//Art Supplies

  -Has anyone used it in 3 years? 

  -Is it for adults? If not, how likely are the kids to use it?

  -Make an art station for kids. They need a zone.  

 

Further Discussion 

• Do you think clutter and disorganization add to household stress? 
• What room or area in your home would benefit from decluttering?
• What strategies do you use to keep your household running smoothly? (i.e. family calendar, family landing zone, etc.)

Clara Barnett::Food, Nutrition, + Feeding the Family

At our last meeting, Clara Barnett, ND, LAc tackled the topic of nutrition. I don't know about you, but there is always more to learn about food. We're all doing our best within our means to feed little mouths that could care less about protein and fiber. Clara brought things back to how we can better model proper nutrition for our families and show our kids how eating well works.

Click HERE for the recording of Clara's talk.

Enjoy!

Clara put before us the question we all ask: "How can I balance my family's food and snacks so they are at their best/have energy and vibrancy?"

The truth is, there's lots of information out there. It can be overwhelming and confusing. We wonder about sugar, fat, protein, and fiber and how much is healthy. The key is that balance is what the body wants. Be practical. Breathe. It's okay if we're not doing it every time.  

"Don't let perfection be the enemy of the good."

Think about the overall picture...if you're hitting a balance 3 times/week, then it's okay to go out to pizza for dinner. 

TIP// Make sure there's something from every food group at every snack and meal. Balancing blood sugar to avoid crashes is so important--instill it young! 

NOTICE STRESS: stress majorly affects your digestive system. Is you're too stressed, you don't release the enzymes necessary to digest your food. 

TIP// slow down before your meal. Pause. This helps take in and digest food properly. "Good stress," on the other hand, is released first thing in the morning. Sugar makes that fluctuate (i.e. "crashes") where fat/fiber/protein make a slow decline, which is healthy.

PICKY EATERS: we all have them. They're also called "toddlers." Think about how they might just have a different rhythm and balance. Take notice and try to figure out what's specific to them and how they eat. They might actually not like certain foods. That's just the way it is. 
TIP// just encourage them to have something. Relieve the pressure to eat everything. 

WHAT TO HAVE
(all photos courtesy of Clara)

A healthy snack for all!

::Local honey can be a tonic for the body. Try:

• Uncle Harry's Western Washington raw honey
• 1 Tbsp/ day for adults
• 1 tsp/ day for kids 

::Vitamin D is one of the most important things for our immune systems. It's only in a few foods: oily fish (but consider the source), egg yolks, and fortified milk + cereal (though watch out for what kind; D2 vs. D3, which is from the sun). 

::Probiotics--our systems thrive on it. Good gut bacteria is important. NOTE: make sure there's live organisms in your yogurt

Kefir, Chia seeds, and blueberries make a great smoothie

::Organic vs. Non-Organic: Visit  www.ewg.org for a list of pesticides and the current Dirty Dozen. 

VEGGIE HACK: Slightly steam your veggies! Releases enzymes that are good for us, makes a sweetness. Stick them in the microwave for 30 seconds or so. 

Superfood Veggie Cakes make a yummy snack

Fun Family Activity
Get your whole family in on choosing balanced snacks with this activity, teaching balance and moderation.
Collect three canisters/bowls. Pick one item from each of the following categories and place in a container. 

• Protein--seeds, legumes, nuts, hummus, milk, yogurt, etc.
• Fat--many of the protein choices have plenty of fat. If you choose something low in fat, like edamame, accompany it with cheese to strike a good balance of fat and protein. 
• High-fiber Carbohydrate--dried fruit, fresh fruit, high fiber crackers
• Refined Carbohydrate (optional)--pretzels, crackers, chips

Explain the importance of each food and its nutrients and how they keep us healthy and strong. Have them pick and choose from each category to fill snack bags for the week. Mix it up, keep it fun. Did they stick to balance most of the week? Maybe throw in a treat every once in a while. Sugar is just good.

Further Discussion

1. What is something you'd like to work on in your diet?
2. What do you need to start the change or take the first step?
3. What can you do this week?
4. What are you proud of doing now for your family's health and nutrition?

Clara Barnett, ND, LAc

Drclara@drclara.com

www.drclara.com

*sign up for her newsletter for regular updates and recipes*

 

Ann Hinman::Keeping Our Spiritual Health Alive

The wonderful and wise Ann Hinman came to see us at our last meeting and relate to every phase of motherhood we might be in. From wearing bodily fluids while caring for a newborn, to aborting the shopping mission due to toddler meltdowns, to running out of options with a first-grader, Ann's been there.  Take advantage of her experience and take heart in the fact that we're never alone!

Click HERE for the recording of Ann's talk.

Enjoy!

Ann knows a thing or two about finding Jesus in this season. She relates to the feelings of failure, loneliness, and like the kids are all bound to end up with problems due to our poor mothering. Even though we're spending most of our days surrounded by little people, we're lonely.

It begs the question: "What do I do with this time that I have?"
It goes by so quickly. How do you feed your soul and the soul of your family?

"Jesus came so that we may have life."

John 10:10

These moments are precious, they count, and they count to Jesus. 

"You can't trust somebody that you don't know." You wouldn't hand your kids over to the mailman to go run an errand. Trust comes with knowledge. Jesus is asking us to trust him, but we have to get to know him. Just like any relationship, where we need to spend time together to get to know each other and go deeper, we need to do that with Jesus. Even if we think he doesn't want to know the "down and dirty," he does. 

How do we do that? Even though quiet time no longer means candles, music, and journals. In the shower, right when you open your eyes before the baby awakes, when you're driving, or any time to yourself--use it. Those are quiet times. Ask Him to walk with you in that day, to be your hands and feet, to live through you. Those small moments of connection help build your relationship.

As we get to know Him, we find that Jesus has all the resources we need, in every situation. Patience with kids and husband, kindness, forgiveness, He has what we need so we don't need to look to ourselves for that. [THINK ABOUT THAT.]

Also, Christianity is like a marriage, you cannot do it alone. You need community. We need each other. You have to find your people.

Ultimately, it's a powerful thing to embrace the call: The call that we have RIGHT NOW, as mothers in our own families. Not "oh, this other thing is more important." All The Things you'd like to do...there may be a time for that, but right now this is a special time to do a ministry with your family. How freeing! Be responsible for this household, pay attention to it, invest in it. Don't worry about what other contributions are, just this contribution. Because it's a pretty big one. Raising good people is a huge responsibility.

There's an urgency to this call. It's short-lived and formative. This role is special. Pay attention. Don't squander where you are and what you've been given.

Things to focus on:

1. Recognition: "I see you, I hear you, and I'm here." There's grace and light when we step into Jesus' love. See them. See their emotions. Call out what's going on. It's true of your kids and husband. Power in recognition.
2. Boundaries: help them grow and mature and become the people He's designed them to be. Being consistent, which is so hard, is vital.
3. Help your kids have an emotional language.
4. Be curious with them. Try to understand what/how they're thinking.

That's what God does for us. It's what we can do to help our kids become who He designed them to be. We want them to know that God loves them and He has a wonderful plan for their lives.

Engage the kids:

1. What's your "thing?" Cooking, music, reading...figure it out and dive into it with your kids. You don't have to do it all. Just do what you love to do, with your kids. It's who you are, be yourself, and incorporate what you enjoy with your family. Everyone will be better for it.
2. Do your kids know your story? Share your testimony, where you came from. And tell them their story. Tell your family stories. So important.
3. Read the Bible to your kids. It's good! It's a cliffhanger! Draw Bible verses, have a "thank you" box. So many ways to encourage and love your kids.

Another tip? Do what you feel called to, and say NO to everything else. Not "do what you feel called to and SQUEEZE IN everything else." A good thing doesn't constitute a call. Be precious with your time. When you say "yes" to something, it means you are saying "no" to something else, which is usually husband and kids.

Also, if you haven't laughed in awhile, do something to make you laugh. It's so important.

Psalm 139
(click)

Further Discussion

• What do you do for rest?
• What are some ways you stay connected to God during the day?
• What makes you laugh?
• Where do you find joy in your daily routines?
• What do you do to refill your emotional tank?

Resources

GT & The Halo Express; gthalo.com (music/story CDs that get your kids singing Scripture)

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Get to know Jesus with the Gospel of John

 

Mentor Mom Panel

A few weeks ago, we had the privilege of hearing some sage wisdom from our dear mentor moms. They've been in our shoes and offered honest reflections on parenting little people. We want to thank them for their openness and willingness to give us a peek into their mothering journeys. Without further ado, let's review some of the nuggets they shared.

There is no recording of this meeting in order to allow our mentor moms complete freedom to be honest! Hopefully my notes come close to helpful. ;)

 On Personal Care/Staying Grounded

• With kids at home all day and no break or quiet time to pray, jumping on the trampoline for 20 minutes provides exercise and a space to talk to God.
• Be diligent about quiet time, for you and the kids. Reading some Oswald Chambers and Jesus Calling  helps keep the connection with God.
• Involvement with neighborhood Bible study or Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) helps keep the focus on a relationship with God and connection with friends (plus, childcare!)
• Hire help!
• Jog and be alone with your thoughts
• A co-op with a group of friends--rotate childcare with four friends and you find yourself with three mornings a month all to yourself! 

On Romance

• Ground rules for time together: no talk of kids or schedules, just focus on each other
• Join a small group with families
• Two words: hot tub.
• Date night: make it so routine, even your kids expect it
• Ask single friends to babysit
• Volunteer in ministry together. This provides the unique opportunity to see each other develop gifts and affirm each other
• Marriage retreats/weekends
• Couples groups: find your people! They get you through!

On Showing Love to Your Husband

• In the morning, ask your husband what his day looks like. Then, follow up at night. It shows interest and consideration.
• Say "thank you" for things. Offer kindness and gratitude
• Greet him at the door with a kiss
• Give him affirmation every day. When you compliment him, watch his reaction. They thrive on it.
• Practice the "six second kiss"
• Practice sensitivity to negotiating transition times: when he comes home or when you leave, be intentional about transitioning well

On In-Laws

• Honor different family traditions
• Get to know them individually; you'll likely get a different picture and see a different side than who you thought they were
• Include the in-laws/parents in activities with your family other than childcare
• Gather both sides of the family together for the holidays. The kids get both sets around and love it. Having everyone together is a gift to them.
• Model love and family: little eyes are watching
• Manage your expectations. They're less likely to disappoint you if you recalibrate.
• Get to know them and hear their stories to understand where they're coming from. This develops compassion.
• Honor them by visiting them or hosting them (if they're from out of town)

On Favorite Traditions

•  Going on "trips:" pack up the family, make a big circle around town, end up at the Holiday Inn by your house to spend a weekend swimming in the pool and ordering room service. 

On Nurturing Faith

• Play worship music
• Pray at meals and bedtime
• Keep faith present in daily life
• Be authentic and pray in the hard moments
• Pray with your husband once a day, no matter when you can fit it in

On Siblings as Friends

• Maybe they wont' be friends when they're young, but don't give up! Chances are, they'll be good friends when they grow up
• Play "safe" games where everyone participates and the family is a team (i.e. no one is "against" each other)
• Don't compare them. 'Nuff said.
• Have the kids share bedrooms. They have to work things out and make boundaries, but they also have fun
• Celebrate their individual personalities and differences

On Going Back in Time and Changing One Thing

• Extend grace. "You did the best you could with what you knew. When you knew more, you did better."
• Take advantage of opportunities of the moment when they come
• You have a new chance every day. Don't be guilt-ridden. Move on.
• KEEP THE MARRIAGE CENTRAL

Ashley Rodriguez::Motherhood Tips

At our last meeting, we had the pleasure of hearing from Ashley Rodriguez, author of Date Night In. Ashley shared humble wisdom with us, offering encouragement she missed believing when her kids were tiny. Read through the recap and/or listen to her talk while taking in the pointers we all need to be reminded of in this season.

Click HERE for the recording of Ashley's talk.

Enjoy!

It's not possible to "savor every moment..."

• Release the shame and guilt you may feel when you hear those words.
• BUT, you do lose some perspective as they get older and find yourself missing the baby days.
• Take pictures and videos. You'll want to see those tiny kiddos again!
• Smell their heads
• Journal the mundane details

Be a better boss...

• That "boss" is us, our inner critic/negative inner voice that tells us "look at all you haven't done..."
• Applaud yourself for the smallest thing. For example, celebrate getting out of bed or making a good cup of coffee. Those small, everyday things become big things and change your critic over time. Encouragement goes a long way.
• Beware: that negative voice can translate over to our kids. Suddenly, we're criticizing the outcome of their efforts rather than praising the effort. Appreciate their action and heart behind them.

Take care of yourself...

• Taking care of yourself is the opposite of selfish when you're taking care of little people
• Doing replenishing things helps us care better for them. Journal, walk, yoga, spa, nap...squeeze those things in that fill you up and help you breathe. And don't feel bad about it.

Don't forget your person/partner...

• We're all guilty of waiting for a "different season" to date again. Do it now.
• Plan one night per week where you put the kids to bed, then eat dinner just the two of you. 
• It feels strange at first, like you're admitting defeat (we can't even go out anymore?). But you get used to it and look forward to it. The more you're with each other, the more you want to be.
• When marriage feels yucky, so does everything else. Invest.

Motherhood looks different for everyone...

• It's so vulnerable, taking care of these little people, that we want validation. It's normal. We try so hard to be the mom we "should" be or are "supposed" to be. 
• Let YOU be YOU. Then motherhood makes more sense. 
• Pretty soon, you recognize your strengths and apologize often when you fall short (i.e. great food on the table--a strength--might mean a messy kitchen most of the time. Sorry.).

Discussion Questions

• Is motherhood what you expected? How is it different than what you expected?
• What lies of inadequacy are you telling yourself?
• How do you and your partner stay connected during these busy days?